AITA for Telling My Dad I Didn’t Want to Celebrate His Birthday This Year?

So, for some background, my parents divorced when I was 12. I’m 26 now. It wasn’t a horrible divorce, but it was messy in that emotional way where everyone pretends it’s fine but it clearly isn’t. My dad moved out, got a condo in the city, started dating pretty quickly. My mom stayed in the house, and I lived with her full-time. We were always closer.

Growing up, I still saw Dad every other weekend, then less and less as I got older. He wasn’t bad, just… distracted. Like, he’d forget my volleyball games, or birthdays sometimes. He’d say, “I’ll make it up to you,” and sometimes he did. Sometimes he didn’t.

Now, we talk maybe once a month. It’s mostly me reaching out. He remarried five years ago to Laura, who’s honestly fine, but we’re not close. They do their own thing, lots of cruises and wine tastings.

Things Got Weird Fast

This year, my dad turned 60. Big milestone. He texted me in March (his birthday’s in May) like, “I want to do something special. Rent a cabin, get the whole family together. It’ll mean a lot.”

Okay. Cool idea. But by “whole family,” he meant Laura’s two adult kids and their partners. Not my mom (obviously), not my brother (who’s low contact with him), and not my partner, who he’s never really made an effort with.

I asked, “Will it just be us? Or can I bring Jess too?”

He replies, “Let’s keep it small. You know how the cabin only has so much space.”

So… it’s too small for Jess, but not for Laura’s kids and their plus-ones? That annoyed me. Like, I’m his biological kid. And Jess has been in my life for three years. We live together.

I sat on it for a few days. Then I texted back, “Hey, I think I’m going to skip the cabin trip. Happy to celebrate another time, just not really feeling this setup.”

He didn’t respond for a week. When he finally did, he just wrote: “Disappointed. But okay.”

Then Laura called me. Which was weird. She said, “I know you’re upset, but your dad’s really hurt. He was looking forward to having his daughter there.”

I kind of snapped. I said, “He wants a daughter who fits in with his new wine-and-cheese life. I’m not that.”

She got quiet and said, “That’s not fair,” and hung up.

Since then, I haven’t heard from either of them. His birthday came and went. I sent a card. No reply.

Here’s where I might be the asshole:

My mom thinks I should’ve just gone, “grinned and beared it.” She said, “He’s getting older. You might regret this.”

Even Jess was like, “I get why you’re hurt, but you probably could’ve sucked it up for a weekend.”

But I just felt like… why should I show up for someone who doesn’t really show up for me? I didn’t make a scene. I didn’t call him names. I just quietly said no.

Still, now I’m spiraling. Like, maybe I was too cold. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe 60 is a big deal and I should’ve just been there, even if it sucked.

So… AITA?