AITA for not letting my daughter go to a sleepover because I don’t like the other girl’s mom?

My daughter is 11, and she got invited to her friend Maddie’s birthday sleepover. They’ve been in the same class since second grade, and Maddie seems sweet enough. My issue isn’t with her.

It’s with Maddie’s mom, Trish.

Trish is… intense. She’s one of those moms who posts constantly on social media about how “kids need freedom to be wild” and how she lets Maddie drink coffee and wear crop tops and watch horror movies. She calls it “raising a confident woman.” I call it irresponsible.

I met her twice. The first time was at a school fundraiser and she showed up in a glittery top and leather pants, drinking wine out of a thermos. She was loud and made some offhand joke about giving the kids a sip to “calm them down.” The second time was at a class field trip where she showed up late, then let Maddie wander off alone to buy candy from a gas station.

So when my daughter brought home the invite, I just… froze.

Things Got Weird Fast

I told her I needed to talk to Trish first. I thought maybe if I heard her actual plan for the night—like who was supervising, what the kids would be doing—I could be open to it. But when I called, Trish was so casual about everything. “Oh, they’ll be watching movies, probably playing dress-up, doing TikToks, you know how girls are,” she said.

I asked what movies. She said probably whatever Maddie wants to watch, maybe The Conjuring or Mean Girls. I said, “Isn’t that a bit much for 11-year-olds?” and she just laughed and said, “Oh, come on, they hear worse at school.”

That was it for me.

I told my daughter no.

Cue the meltdown.

She cried, begged, slammed her door, said I was being unfair and “none of the other moms care what Maddie’s mom is like.” I tried to explain, but how do you explain vibes to a kid?

She’s barely spoken to me in two days. She told her dad (my ex) and now he’s mad at me too. Said I’m being judgmental and overprotective. That if I don’t let her go to things like this, she’ll be the weird kid no one invites.

I tried to say it wasn’t about controlling her, it’s about safety. Like, if Maddie’s allowed to watch R-rated movies, what else is she allowed to do? Will there be phones all night? Boys? No bedtime?

But now I’m spiraling. Am I projecting? I grew up with a mom who let anything go, and it messed me up. I told myself I’d be better. That I’d have rules. But maybe I’m swinging too far the other way.

And yet… isn’t it my job to draw the line?

I don’t know. I don’t want to be the mom who isolates her kid. But I also don’t want to be the mom who lets her kid grow up too fast because I was too afraid to say no.

So… AITA?